Instaweek.


Lunch with Mom on her last day in town, time spent down at the seafront, a trip to Nyman’s to see the beautiful gardens, my handsome little man and grown-up little girl, and a little me time while Dexter sleeps.  It’s hard to believe how quickly the time is passing: Dexter already three weeks old, Maddie already having been in school for two weeks, September passing by uneventfully as we head towards Autumn… can it really almost be the end of the year?

I almost didn’t know what to do with myself with Mom gone these past few days, but life continued on: there was housework to do, groceries to order, and a little man to care for.  As Dexter napped throughout the day, curled up on my chest with his face nuzzled into my neck, I got a little me time in: coffee and a good book, and a little time logged on The Last of Us.

I’ve been thinking about starting some sort of light exercise: walking, yoga and stretch, something.  I was going to wait a while before starting up slowly, but all this time spent chilling on the couch is KILLING my back… I need to desperately DO something to regain a bit of strength and relieve this pain before it gets worse.  Who knew you could have too much of a good thing?

Dad arrives in just a few more days!

This too shall pass.

There is a Sufi story of a king who sought out a wiseman to bring him something that would grant him peace and serenity, the ability to be happy at all times, to be free of despair.  The wiseman gave the king a ring with the inscription “this too shall pass.” When the king asked what the meaning was, the wiseman replied “Wear this ring always. Whatever happens, before you call it good or bad, touch the ring and read the inscription. That way, you will always be at peace.”

Mom went back to the States today.  She arrived three weeks ago, Mark picked her up from the bus depot and took her directly to us in the hospital, Dexter only hours old.  Over the past few weeks she’s helped us with this transition to a family of four, helped me with anything I needed when my stitches hurt, and played endless hours of made up Frozen games with Maddie’s Elsa and Anna dolls.  It was hard to say goodbye today, and I suppose it never gets any easier.   It was the first time Maddie’s cried when a grandparent has left, and she later expressed herself by painting our chest of drawers with anti itch cream, and I felt guilty because Dexter takes up so much of my time and attention.  But I know this is just a slump, that things will eventually reach equilibrium again.

These early days pass by quickly, and once that initial high after birth begins to wane there comes a dip in hormones, a slump in mood, and it’s easy to forget that the early hardships won’t last forever; the stitches will eventually heal and no longer hurt; you WILL eventually stop bleeding; there won’t always be nipple pain or leaking breasts or those moments where you wonder “shit, how am I supposed to DO all of this?” Because all of these things too, shall pass.  And quite bittersweetly, all those little early moments you treasure as well, always excited to reach the next milestone, always a little sad that they are growing and changing so quickly.

But it will always come to pass; the hard moments won’t last forever and the good ones should be cherished for as long as they last. It often feels as though no other phrase could so poignantly capture motherhood, life, everything.   Dad arrives next week, and the cycle will repeat; always grateful for the time I have to spend with them, always sad to see them go.  Today Dexter and I spent the day curled up on the couch sleeping off and on and it was exactly what I needed: a day to recharge with my little man.