Boredom and the holding pattern.
I have something to confess. As excited as I was to finish the year off at university, and as pumped as I was to finally be away from my job for the better part of the next year… I am bored.
Completely.
Utterly.
Bored.
I do not regret the decision to have gone on maternity leave a month before the due date, and it certainly proved to be the right decision given my blood pressure is no longer on the increase and frankly, a case of false labor is enough to prompt anyone into a state of perpetual waiting.
But damn, I am bored.
I don’t sleep very well through the night anymore, and tend to get my best sleep early in the morning, 7am-noon. This puts breakfast at around 1pm, and any activity I could’ve hoped to do that day doesn’t kick off until 3 or 4 in the afternoon when I can be bothered to actually pull my head from my ass and get it together long enough to accomplish something.
That in and of itself warrants comment. What is it about being pregnant that turns the brain to useless mush? I cannot focus, nor have I been able to in a very long time. I seem incapable of doing even the most routine tasks, or being able to think long enough to decide on what I should probably be doing with my time that isn’t mindless surfing the internet.
The problem is, I don’t FEEL like doing anything. Games, books, friends, walks, cleaning, packing… I know these are things I could be spending my time on but for one reason or another working up the motivation is a different story.
So I have been forcing myself to clean.
And not just any cleaning, DEEP cleaning. Going through drawers, throwing away stuff we’ve hung onto for absolutely no reason, SCRUBBING WALLS for feck’s sake! We are probably still 2 weeks away from being able to move, 4 weeks away from D-Day. But I’ve come to the conclusion that I have to be realistic: Maddie could arrive early. If she did, I would want a super clean and organized flat to bring her back to, and I would want moving with a newborn in tow to be as easy as possible (read: not easy in the least). Thankfully, we have a moses basket courtesy Barrie that will suit us and our small flat just fine if the Littlest of Doodles decides to make her grand entrance early.
So this has been my last two weeks: Wake up 12pm-1pm ish. Eat, zone out on teh interwebz for a good few hours, feeling guilty about wasting time but unable to overcome the odd, hypnotic powers of cat pictures with captions and great eBay deals, work up the motivation to DO something ie clean, annoy the hubby when he gets home up until he goes to sleep as I missed him all day and everyone needs a good annoying now and again, rinse repeat.
Although yesterday did provide some amusement as we went out to Worthing to have a look at a cot and chest of drawers being sold second hand that I found on friday-ad.co.uk They were in immaculate condition, just as the ad promised, and GORGEOUS. See stock image below:
The cot converts, as the child grows, into a single sized bed. The chest of drawers has a changing table top to it which I am in love with. Both pieces are simply beautiful. Dearest hubby will be picking them up with a friend and a van next week. Luckily, we have been given the ability to store large items we’ve bought over at Mark’s father’s house until we move.
I cannot wait to get everything set up in our new place, I am hoping Maddie gives us enough time ^_^
Share on FacebookDropped.
So yesterday I am surfing teh intertubez, as one does when insanely bored, and I start noticing a pain / pressure combo in my lower abdomen. I’ve felt this before, mostly whenever Maddie decides to plant her little tootsies on my ribs and push off, giving a good, long stretch and pushing her head down onto the nearest nerve cluster. But this time it didn’t let up. It grew with intensity to the point where I had to arch out my back due to the discomfort and then….. drop!
The baby dropped, which is when the baby drops lower into the abdomen a few weeks before birth. And I felt it.
I. Felt. It….. weird!
I did wonder the rest of the day if I was kidding myself, surely you shouldn’t be able to simply FEEL the drop and that’s that, right? But the effects of the dropping were unmistakable: I was suddenly able to breathe again. I could take in deep breaths and not once yesterday did I have that short of breath feeling. I was able to finish my dinner as my stomach has a bit more room to expand now. I could yawn without feeling like my abs might rip in two. Getting in and out of bed is tons easier. AND BEST OF ALL…. I only needed the Gaviscon (heartburn med) once yesterday!
Mark reckons there is a shape difference in the bump as well.
I have been waiting for this moment to happen for the relief of having the baby lower. I don’t feel much more pressure in my pelvis… a bit, yes but certainly not the “carrying a bowling ball between your legs” sensation as described by other pregnant ladies.
So what does it mean? Well, nothing really. Birth could be 2 weeks , 4 weeks, or longer away! Until then, I am going to thoroughly enjoy having some lung space again!
Share on FacebookFour Years in the making.
Four years ago today, to this very morning, I was stepping off a plane in a country I had never been to, about to meet a man I had never met before. The process of moving through baggage and customs was long, and it was made even longer by the seconds I counted, the beats of my heart as it relentlessly pounded in my chest. I was exhausted, having not slept a wink through the entire transatlantic flight, having not slept even the night before that. Yet despite approaching 40 hours of no sleep I felt completely in the present moment, every nerve on end.
I was wearing what I’d hoped was cute. I had applied my make up in the wee hours of the morning, 30,000 feet in the air, whilst my fellow passengers continued to get the sleep I longed for. With baggage in hand, I made my way through Heathrow airport, through the winding tunnels, following other passengers in hopes of being led out of the massive labyrinth.
In the greeting area, my eyes darted from face to face, looking for the man in the photographs. I was still counting seconds. There was, of course, no guarantee this person would even be here, and in which case I would’ve flown halfway around the world to a foreign country I knew nothing about and been stuck for a week. The stress of this thought started creating a tunnel vision effect, and as I thought I might faint right there in the terminal, I saw him.
I saw Mark for the first time.
I remember everything about that day still four years later. The way he looked, the way he smelled, the way it electrified my entire being to kiss him. As we departed the airport and headed for the subway, his hand found mine… and we still haven’t let go. Not for a minute.
We endured months apart at a time. We lasted through awkward schedules and the occasional gaps of not even talking due to commitments. Many nights we found ourselves in front of skype time and time again, sometimes talking and sometimes merely taking comfort in knowing the other was there. Many nights Mark drifted off laying at the edge of his bed, sometimes mid-sentence.
We cherished the times when we could be together. Our relationship made it through the strains and pressures of the long distance, of the uncertainty, and we married. We found a way and together we moved mountains (and visa applications!) so we could finally know what it was like to live as a real couple. To fall asleep in the dark next to one another and not 5000 miles apart.
I have always said and will always continue to say that I never expected to meet someone in a video game (World of Warcraft), or on the other side of the world for that matter. We never knew where it was going to go, and we both took a chance on a fateful conversation in a game, when I rather whimsically proposed that I could possibly come t0 visit him. Such few words, such a random and infinitely small chance that we’d have even played together, and out of that chance blossomed what we have today.
Four years on, that shy and uncertain girl who stepped off the plan at Heathrow is now his wife. We’ve built a life of love for ourselves, and it has only continued to grow. And just when we thought we had gotten pretty good at falling in love with each other… Little Doodle came into being. Now together we get to set out on the new task of finding out what it means to fall in love all over again, into a new kind of love with this tiny life we have created. And we get to experience all of these blessings thanks to a chance we took on someone halfway around the globe, that we met in a video game.
And we’ve never stopped holding hands.
Share on FacebookOn Pregnancy.
It has been quite the trip, these 9 months. I have experienced one of the most amazing journeys I will ever take: creating and harboring a new life. Through no effort of my own my body has taken over, accommodating and nurturing this little baby. When Maddie needed food, a switched was flipped in my brain that made me feel a ravenous hunger like I’ve never experienced. A willingness to drop whatever I was doing, no matter how important, and find something to eat immediately before starting to froth at the mouth. When she needed all the energy I possessed to grow in those early weeks, I felt as though I hadn’t slept in days and sleep came, long and deep, so that the baby could grow strong. And when this small, growing baby needed calcium for forming those tiny bones, an unbelievable desire for milk (half gallon a day) kicked in in order to provide.
I have lived it and yet at the same time stand in awe, a small person before one of the greatest and most humbling experiences a woman can go through. I have learned to love and respect my body. Every pound gained, every stretch mark, every increase in bra size… all to provide for our baby. All so primal, unchanging throughout the eons of human evolution, unchanging among almost every mammal. And it’s amazing. There are truly no words to adequately describe the experience. You just know, and feel humbled as you lay in bed at night, in the quiet dark, and feel your baby kick and move within you for the first time, or for the hundredth time.
I thought I would reflect on the things I will miss and not miss about being pregnant as I embark on just the few, short remaining weeks.
I will miss:
-Having Maddie all to myself.
-That feeling that I am protecting our baby in the safest environment it can be in.
-Having those tiny feet kick and poke me from inside the womb.
-Exploring all the exciting new changes that happen on a near daily basis.
-Carrying the baby with me wherever I go… with no diaper bag or anything! ^_^
-Being told I am “glowing.”
-Indulging.
I will not miss:
-Needing to pee every 20 minutes!
-Not being able to find a comfortable position to lie in.
-The heartburn that plagued me constantly for the last two months.
-Shortness of breath.
-The worry over my higher than usual blood pressure.
-The emotional/hormonal roller coaster.
-Only being able to sleep on my sides.
-Hip soreness.
-Being denied certain foods, caffeine, alcohol, etc.
I am looking forward to where this next phase leads. Soon, I will be asked to bring our daughter into the world (or perhaps that is to say forcefully encouraged? haha) and with it our lives will change forever. I find myself wondering if this will be the only pregnancy I undergo in my lifetime… will there ever be a second Doodle? Will I feel the same as I have these past 9 months? Will it be different? And who knows those answers? Our Little Doodle came into our lives as a great surprise to us both, and everything has changed. Nothing will ever be as it used to, but I think we are both ready for it. Ready to accept this new love we’ve nurtured between the two of us, and ready to receive that love as well from this tiny person who will soon be here.
Life is simply amazing.
Share on FacebookGifts.
My good friend Barrie and his wife stopped by this week and gave us some of their baby’s grown-out-of things. It was an amazing gesture and I am so thankful for the items, as they will go a long way for our baby as well!
Beautiful moses basket filled with baby clothing and blankets!
Musical rocking chair with adorable jungle animals, perfect for our little one’s jungle themed nursery!
Maddie now owns her second dress thanks to Aunt Esther =) She will be one very lady like babe!
It’s getting so close now, and yet I still have trouble believing that yes, we will soon be using these things for our wonderful, beautiful little daughter.
As a side note, if you all could click the banner below and vote for my blog, I would very much appreciate it! Thanks!
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Wife. Mother. Daughter. Expat. Photographer. Biology student. Science enthusiast. Freethinker. Caffeine junkie. Book addict. Gamer. Geek. Awesome.
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{ Such a cute and smart girl. Mine amazes me daily with all she is learning and saying lately too!
} – The Amazing Moodini. 9 comments{ Such beautiful photos. You live in an amazing place that makes me miss the countryside I grew up in. } – Project 366: week 19. 13 comments
{ What a cutie! That is awesome!! } – The Amazing Moodini. 9 comments
{ kids are so awesome! } – The Amazing Moodini. 9 comments
{ she is adorable. Great shots of her. Love the zombie thing too. } – The Amazing Moodini. 9 comments
