(another photo from “Storms over England”  For the previous one, click here)

The quote above is one of my favorites, perhaps most accurately embodying the essence of these last few years.   Once before I had written about those odd and overpowering emotions and thoughts that seemingly strike out of nowhere for myself as an expat; the sudden feeling of vertigo that takes me by surprise, that rush of elation, that inexplicable hyper-awareness that I live HERE.    That’s a loaded term, both a physical space with its own coordinates and an emotional / mental state of being that I reached about living HERE, which I have hated, resisted, considered, accepted, and loved.

HERE is where I arrived when I came out on the other side of postpartum depression.

HERE is the place where I adjusted, suddenly, and fell in love with the city and country in which I had been living for nearly three years at the time.   I fell in love with the only home my daughter knows.

HERE is the unshakable contentment that I have in the decisions I’ve made.

HERE is the culmination of all the what-if’s and could-be’s in the wake of falling in love with someone on the other side of the planet, and loving them enough to uproot everything to start anew.

HERE is the smile on my lips as I think of all the different ways things could’ve gone, could’ve turned out, and didn’t.  It’s a smile that knows the futility in making plans, because the life plan I spent years cultivating as a means to an end was just as easily thrown away for the bigger, more exciting adventure just on the horizon.  I found, instead of the perfect plan for life, happiness.  A rich and wonderful life that turned out to be buried beneath all the should’s and have to’s.  I’ve done it all different, topsy-turvy, and it works. For me.

I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

I love that rare, glorious “lazy afternoon” we get to spend as a family .   We pack Moo’s bag, put on our favorite tunes, and head off in search of adventure, of tiny little hamlets we’ve never been to before, of neolithic remnants, and soaking in the gorgeous scenery.  Occasionally we find a National Trust site ( preserved places of historical interest mostly), or a small village still sporting dirt roads and thatched-roof cottages.  Today we simply found an old English country road, winding it’s way along the top of a hill and down to the village, comprising a dozen houses.   We witnessed the clouds roll in, the lush greenery coming to life as Spring brought the rains.   And sometimes, you’re lucky enough to be in just the right place at the right time, as the sun lets loose it’s rays from the clouds, streaking light across the landscape.  It’s enough to take your breath away.

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