39 weeks and a part of me is so ready to be done!  The last few days I’ve become obsessed with the cleanliness of the flat again.  I went through this about mid June and not only cleaned the place top to bottom, scrubbing walls and baseboards as I went, I did a spring cleaning and ended up tossing a load of stuff we’ve been hanging onto but didn’t need.  During that mid June clean I was also busy packing little things: mostly Mark’s large DVD collection and all of our books, figuring I could save us some time and effort to have those dusted and packed away when it came down to moving.

Now I feel claustrophobic.  The spare space we DID have in the living room is now taken up with boxes and, until today, one could not even sit on the couch due to the baby stuff that had been piled up.  Unfortunately we are currently in limbo with our new property.  We are still waiting to   close, a process not helped by the fact the vendor is dragging his feet.  We thought we would be able to move sometime in early June.  Those expectations turned to mid June, then end of June… and now we are just hoping for sometime in July.  It dawned on me last week I could no longer act as though we would be moved and settled before the baby arrived, so I began setting up everything here.  Thankfully, we were able to store some of the baby stuff that would be unused for a month or so over at my father in law’s house, thus freeing up our other couch in the living room.

So I’ve cleaned.  I’ve cleaned and cleaned and cleaned.  I’ve also cried. It’s been a stupid hormonal rollercoaster, and I feel as though I will never be able to make the place clean ENOUGH at times.  I’ve become obsessive in a very bad way, just trying to keep the dust at bay and the toilet scrubbed long enough for the baby to arrive.  I don’t know what happens then, but I am hoping that these hormones will go away and I will begin to feel human again.  Normal, even.

And God bless Mark for putting up with it!

The baby stuff is washed, the moses basket setup in the bedroom.   We have the diapers, wipes, and toiletries lined up and ready to go.  The hospital bag is packed, the car seat ready. I feel scatterbrained, and I am hoping we didn’t forget anything crucial.  But I guess we will learn as we go.

And for the first time in the pregnancy, I am nervous.  Nervous about delivery, nervous about those first few weeks, nervous about how I am going to be able to DO everything.  Some nights I wake up to go to the toilet for the 402347987th time that night and I get fleeting thoughts of worry about how I am going to be able to do this.

But I guess this is normal.  Deep breaths, not long now.

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