Do you know what response I am tired of getting  when asking a question?  The phrase, “How long is a piece of string?”  What baffles me even more than the sheer number of people who find this to be the appropriate response to give when asked a question is the sheer number of people who find it to be a satisfactory answer to the question they asked.

I don’t consider myself to be a person who asks for a lot.  But when I ask a person for something relating their job, you know… data they SHOULD know because they are getting paid for this, I expect an empirical answer.  For instance, if I ask a colleague at work “What is the timeframe for that?” I do not expect to get in response, “How long is a piece of string?”  I expect a number or approximation or YOUR BEST GUESS FOR CHRISTSSAKE BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE PAID TO DO.  “Normally it’s 10-15 working days, but you know we are backlogged, and Vicky is statistically likely to call in sick in just another two days time due to her ‘time  of the month’ approaching.” Even that is a slightly better response.

“And when do you expect to have your bill paid?”  “How long is a piece of string?”   It makes me cringe.  I’m sorry Sensei, your answering my question with a question of no intrinsic value must be one of those metaphorical journeys of the mind I’m supposed to undertake in order to grow as a person, much like discovering just what IS the sound of one hand clapping?  Or, more importantly, how hard can I punch you in the mouth? (Everyone’s got a plan until they get punched in the mouth).

All I know is, I know EXACTLY how long MY pieces of string are, so stop being lazy and measure yours.

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