People have said that, alot of the time, new mothers can confuse what they believe to be first movements with the feeling of gas.  To this I say no.  Over the last week I have begun to feel Little Doodle move, and the sensation is so new, so alien, it could not be anything but.   Because of the baby’s size, I only catch the occasional movement: either a definitive poke or a grazing feeling.  But it is amazing.  Up until now Little Doodle has been an invisible entity: something we could see when scanned or the cause of a number of symptoms.  Now the baby begins to make it’s presence known.  According to our books, Little Doodle has the ability to hear, and we talk to it.  And, in just under a month, we go in for the the 20 week scan and will finally get to find out if our Little Doodle is a boy or girl.

Pregnancy cravings are in full swing, mostly for salty/very salty food.  I’ve been enjoying salt and vinegar rice cakes, olives (which I hated pre-pregnancy), pickles and, quite embarrassingly, spam (its super salty!).  Also jalapenos and milk .   A few things I used to enjoy but can no longer stand the sight of: fruit squashes you add to water to flavor them, cornish pasties, pretzels, and anything with ginger in it.

Not that any of the calories make it to me, mind you.  Little Doodle takes what it needs first, usually leaving me hungry a mere two hours later or sleeping for 15 hours straight due to being exhausted.  I’ve gained 15 pounds, coming in at just under a pound a week.    Other weird and wonderful symptoms include: gagging when I cough (or see something gross, or smell certain smells….), erect nipples which not only hurt but are extremely fun when in public for all to see (not), getting up to pee every hour at night.  Although I will say on that last one, there is no better feeling in the world than getting up to pee at 4am, realizing you are off and do not have to be at work, and then slinking back under the covers to sleep until noon.

Whilst I’ve had to switch to maternity pants as some of my clothes no longer fit me, I still do not have a definitive bump.   Mark and I have noticed my mid section getting larger, and a new firmness has appeared just below the skin.  I’m anxiously awaiting the bump to form and to get out of this inbetween stage of simply looking fat rather than pregnant.

Which leads me onto a point I’ve been pondering for weeks now.  Even though I am happy to be pregnant and love Little Doodle, why am I still so hung up on body image?  I worry people will view me simply as fat until the bump is clearly visible, and I worry alot about being able to lose the weight after giving birth.   The reason I am is because I have been conditioned by society to be obsessed with a number for weight or a size for clothing.

This isn’t even something that changes with pregnancy.  One only has to go to any maternity shop online and see the women who are modeling the clothing:  They aren’t pregnant.  They are size 0 models wearing a fake bump.  How are things like this supposed to make pregnant women, who will be more vulnerable due to a changing body, feel?  More importantly, what is this saying to women who just became pregnant or may become pregnant in the future?  It’s perpetuating this unattainable look, even for those doing something as sacred as giving the gift of life.

Look below between the two women.  One is a real mother, photo from http://www.maternitygallery.com/, and the other is a maternity clothes model.  See the difference?

This is one of the reasons I worry about the possibility of having a girl.  It’s impossible to grow  up in the western world with a realistic body image.  From models, to actresses, to advertisements, to clothing… EVERYTHING bombards women and young girls with the feeling they aren’t good enough. They are too fat, too flat chested, too plain, their hair is too flat, they haven’t any hips, their hips are too big.  And it goes on and on and on.  How, if I cannot break through the bullshit to have a healthy image of what beauty actually is, am I supposed to impart those ideals in another human being?

I’ve found some sites that, regardless if you are a mom, mom to be, or single lady, every woman should have a look at.  We should be exposed to real bodies, real breasts, real women.  I recommend you look:

http://theshapeofamother.com/save-our-daughters/           <– and read the links on the page as well!

http://www.maternitygallery.com/ <— a gallery of what real pregnant women look like

http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php <– a gallery of normal breasts and the stories from the women behind them.

Posted Pregnancy |